"I'm sorry. I sinned against you. Please forgive me."

How often do you say that?

This week, our study groups are visiting Psalms of confession and repentance. The Psalmist's make some strong statements acknowledging their brokenness before God and the need for forgiveness. And God desires to forgive and wants to be in right relationship with us! He wants us to be in right relationship with others!

So, when a situation comes up that deserves attention to the tension, here are some steps you might want to consider. Please don't think of this only as a checklist though. There is danger in subjecting our Christian life and relationships to a series of steps and "how-to's." However, these can be beginnings for pursuing peace with others.

So, "hypothetically," let’s say you have hurt someone...or they perceive you have. (I've heard it said that "perception is reality" to the person involved. Their perception of what you have said or done is their reality...even if it isn't truly what you intended. So bear that in mind.)

Pray before doing anything. This may seem obvious, but in practice, many of us don't do it. However, immediately go to God and tell Him that you are sensing that you may have hurt someone, or there is tension in a relationship. Have a spirit of openness and confession (Psalm 32).

Perceive your part. There are at least two parts to every story. Some things can get very complicated. Rarely, though, are you entirely faultless for an issue. So while praying, investigate your own heart and confess any sin God makes you aware of in relation to this person. You must be willing to see your own fault. Paul said he was the "chief of sinners." If we all took that attitude in every conflict, we'd see a lot more resolution more quickly.

Pursue peace (Psalm 34:14.) Make contact with the individual and be quick to confess your sin against them. Ask them to forgive you. Don't just throw a quick "I'm sorry!" to try to appease. Truly acknowledge that you have hurt them. Yes, they may have overreacted, but you can still take responsibility for having caused hurt.

Peacefully wait. Just because you apologize does not mean the person will forgive, forget, or even pick back up where you were before. They may keep communication at a standstill or even mistreat you. But if you have lived by Romans 12:18, you can rest  and wait.

Persist gently and consistently. If a person cuts off communication, you can acknowledge to them that you are ready to talk when they are. Tell them how you will next try to contact them and be consistent. For example, "I am ready to talk when you feel up to it. I will text/email/call you two times a week to check in." Then DO IT.

Prevent manipulation. This could take an entire blog post, so I'll just recommend that you be perceptive. Don't fall into traps of doing something out of the ordinary hoping that will impress or appease the person. For example, if you normally contact them 2-3 times a week, don't start contacting them every day just because they are giving you the cold shoulder. Don't buy him or her presents all of a sudden or stalk them, begging to be forgiven. Once you have confessed, you cannot control their reaction. Do not let them take control of your peace.

We can't sum up every situation in a short blog post. Let these thoughts marinate for awhile so you can be ready for the next situation. The key is to examine your heart and avoid the pride of thinking it's never your fault. Sometimes it is...at least to a degree. No need to live in guilt, but also don't live in pride either.